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My uncle's wedding date has been set for January 5th. He and his fiance are both Catholic; the rest of us are Protestants; and they're having a Catholic wedding. So, we began asking stuff about what to wear & such & this is what he posted on his blog:
But since some in my family have expressed a little concern about how to behave at a Catholic wedding, I'm going to go ahead and give a few other tips to help things go more smoothly.
A Catholic wedding is a church service with a little something extra (something about rings or vows or something). The order of worship is found in the "missal," a tome found where you'd expect to find a hymnal. Unfortunately, the liturgy is found at random locations within that missal, and possibly some other volume you won't have, and you can't find how to flip back and forth to the right pages without a secret decoder ring we don't give to Protestants. You are expected to stand, sit, and kneel at various points, and repeat words of liturgy, and if you get anything wrong the priest will stop and stare at you until you get it right.
The word "missal" is Latin for -- appropriately enough -- "missle." When the priest walks down the aisle carrying a book high over his head, you are expected to throw your missal at him from behind, and then look innocent and point to someone else.
During the goat sacrifice (note: it's really rude to ask about the goat sacrifice, so if you so much as mention it, everyone will probably just deny it), the responsive reading is to baa-a-a really loud. (If you can't find this in the missal, well, I told you you can never find anything in the missal, didn't I?) If you don't do this everyone will be insulted, so don't be shy. Belt it out! (If you do this at the wrong time, however, such as during my wedding, you may become the sacrifice.)
Although people up north are used to big blowouts after the wedding, the current wedding chic in Virginia is store-brand soda water like "Dr. Thunder" and "Big K," "Cheetos," and whatever we can find on sale at Sam's Club. If you're really hungry you can ignore the "Limit 2 please" sign in front of the Cheetos. I'd like to do more, but when fashion says Cheetos, who am I to argue?
At the reception, telling the bride how lucky she is brings a lot of good luck, especially to the groom. Telling the groom how lucky he is brings a lot of nodding, especially from the groom.
I really appreciate him preparing us so well. (And yes, in case anyone was unclear, he did mean this as a joke.)
But since some in my family have expressed a little concern about how to behave at a Catholic wedding, I'm going to go ahead and give a few other tips to help things go more smoothly.
A Catholic wedding is a church service with a little something extra (something about rings or vows or something). The order of worship is found in the "missal," a tome found where you'd expect to find a hymnal. Unfortunately, the liturgy is found at random locations within that missal, and possibly some other volume you won't have, and you can't find how to flip back and forth to the right pages without a secret decoder ring we don't give to Protestants. You are expected to stand, sit, and kneel at various points, and repeat words of liturgy, and if you get anything wrong the priest will stop and stare at you until you get it right.
The word "missal" is Latin for -- appropriately enough -- "missle." When the priest walks down the aisle carrying a book high over his head, you are expected to throw your missal at him from behind, and then look innocent and point to someone else.
During the goat sacrifice (note: it's really rude to ask about the goat sacrifice, so if you so much as mention it, everyone will probably just deny it), the responsive reading is to baa-a-a really loud. (If you can't find this in the missal, well, I told you you can never find anything in the missal, didn't I?) If you don't do this everyone will be insulted, so don't be shy. Belt it out! (If you do this at the wrong time, however, such as during my wedding, you may become the sacrifice.)
Although people up north are used to big blowouts after the wedding, the current wedding chic in Virginia is store-brand soda water like "Dr. Thunder" and "Big K," "Cheetos," and whatever we can find on sale at Sam's Club. If you're really hungry you can ignore the "Limit 2 please" sign in front of the Cheetos. I'd like to do more, but when fashion says Cheetos, who am I to argue?
At the reception, telling the bride how lucky she is brings a lot of good luck, especially to the groom. Telling the groom how lucky he is brings a lot of nodding, especially from the groom.
I really appreciate him preparing us so well. (And yes, in case anyone was unclear, he did mean this as a joke.)
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From: (Anonymous)
Let's be honest
At least I didn't mention the spanking line!
UIQ (Uncle In Question)
From: (Anonymous)
Re: Let's be honest
UIQ